Wendy wrote some powerful words over the weekend and they helped me get my mind right.
I missed almost a whole week. Here’s why I was losing traction:
- I so badly miss group exercise. Motivating myself when at home baby-talking to a 6 month old feels like a herculean task. This is why I need your support! (I know Mutu has a Facebook group but I closed my FB account on purpose, so my loss).
- I’m frustrated about my insides poking through my diastasis on the EASIEST exercises. I am used to being “tough” and I am not used to feeling so weak. Weakness, vulnerability, lack of control, letting go of expectations – so many themes in my life are applicable here.
- “No time” (aka excuses)
- Negative thinking (“I’m never going to get strong” “my husband will love me anyway, so why try” “I’m a mom now, I should lessen my expectation of what fit is” “I can’t do it perfectly, so I just won’t do it at all”)
- During pregnancy I felt like a superwoman. I now feel like the opposite of a superwoman.
So, when I read these words by Wendy I felt a little prodded:
“Please, please, try this. Shift your mindset before you try to shift your body. Diastasis recti is merely a symptom, one outer manifestation of pressure + mal-alignment within your body. It’s telling you your body is not quite in the right place or comfortable, which is why it doesn’t look + feel the way you want it to. It is not *the problem*. I know you feel overwhelmed + I know you’re frustrated + searching for answers. You’re trying to change everything + fix everything all at once + you feel everything about your body is ‘wrong’ + broken.”
Wendy! You’re hitting too close to home. Ouch.
After skipping a week of Mutu my thoracic (upper) spine was popping like rubber bands being snapped on my back, my left shoulder started clicking, incontinence came back (UGH), and headaches came back. I reread Wendy’s words, had some patience with myself, and thanked my body for letting me put it through this trial so I could have this baby I love so much.
And a word about willpower
I also thought about The Willpower Instinct by Kelly McGonigal at Stanford. In that book she explains that the smallest steps help build our willpower strength, just like building a muscle. So if you say no to the anxiety snack (I threw out the chocolate chips last week), you’ll be more likely to stick to your commitment to walk every day or to do six minutes of Mutu.
This morning I got up and went straight for Mutu before I could talk myself out of it. And you know what? It felt really good. I wasn’t even that hard on myself that I was doing wall pushups instead of regular ones.